One for the boys

A slightly different blog post, but one that I feel is very important.

The question that I would like to pose, and for you to think about is “what does it take to be a real man?”

Depending upon who you ask this question of will depend upon the answer that you get back. It is an absolute truth that we can only initially view things from the perspective of our own lived experience, our own perception bubbles (perception bubbles are a topic that I plan to return to and explain more about in the future). We are all a product of our own experiences.

However, this does not mean that we cannot stop and look at a situation from a different perspective.

Sadly, we can probably all think of people that we have met who believe that to be a real man you need to be overly masculine, full of bravado, aggressive even, and ready to physically fight for what you want and what you believe to be true. Also sadly, a lot of young boys are conditioned into this way of thinking (stiff upper lip, big boys don’t cry etc).

This is all bullshit and belittles those men who have a more sensitive and caring nature. I have lived in that world of sexist, misogynistic, behaviour where people are only out for what they can get for themselves. They might call that survival of the fittest. I call it bullshit and hiding away because they are too scared to show their innermost self, their caring side, and instead hide behind a mask of bravado to try and big themselves up in front of others and also for their own self esteem.

It takes REAL strength to be able to say to another person, “actually I am really struggling and need some help, I don’t feel as if I can cope or even get out of bed today” and to lay there crying. To be that open, that honest, with yourself and in front of others is where the real strength lies.

Some might also answer that it is their role to be supportive and look after the other person within their life, to be the bread winner. Whilst that is a very traditional way of thinking, we need to recognise that we each have strengths and weaknesses, things that we are good at and things that we might struggle with. To create a situation where one must look after the other, just because, presents a situation that has ceased to be a partnership. Again, a lot of young boys are conditioned into this way of thinking. Yet more bullshit that can create misplaced thinking and problems in later life.

Real men come in all shapes and sizes. Don’t bottle up emotion; express emotion and don’t ever be afraid to cry or to laugh or to dance and sing. However, I would make a request of each of you who are reading this, whether you are male, female, or identify as someone other than those specific singular genders; please don’t have expectations about what a real man is. There is no right or wrong answer to the question “what does it take to be a real man?” One size fits no-one, and we are all different as individuals. What we can do however is hold space for each other and just accept people for who and how they are.

We are all on our own individual journey that is called life, and we need to accept that of others as well as of ourselves. I can sum all of this up in one simple to remember phrase that applies just as much to the self as it does to your interactions with other people.

“Just be a nice person” (this is another topic that I will be returning to in future blog posts!)